My Grand Illusions

Anyone there?

Uh. So. I haven't posted here since AUGUST of LAST YEAR. This is shame full, isn't it?

I'll be brutally honest. I never finished my road trip posts because Duvain and I were not in the best of places and we actually stopped speaking for a short time in September, 2 days before my birthday. I just couldn't bring myself to write another word about anything because I needed time to process it all in my own mind before I spewed it all over the Internet. Nearly half a year has passed since I last posted anything here and how things have changed. Since August I've gone to Wales again for 3.5 weeks and Duvain just left 3 days ago after being here for 5 weeks. We're seriously talking about him moving here (fingers crossed!) and we talk about plans to accomplish that everyday almost. I'm exceptionally happy and in love and everything seems to be falling into place. It's true that you don't know what you've got till it's gone, I think he and I both figured that one out fast. So we're on a similar path together and trying to make it all work one day at a time.

Other things since my last posting?

I turned 34 and let me say that my 30's are WAY better than my 20's ever were. BRING ON THE DIRTY 30'S! Jennie, her momma and I went to Santa Fe for a long weekend and it was perfect in every way. I recommend going to Santa Fe, definitely.

I ran another half marathon (in Vegas) and didn't die. YAY! My time was a few minutes slower but I felt infinitely better this time than I did during that first half. I'm running yet another half in a week and let's just say that I've run about 2 feet in preparation so I imagine I'll be crawling most of that race.

Since August I've gained weight despite running a jillion miles to train for the Vegas half. This is SO RUDE and FRUSTRATING, especially after working so hard! I started eating better just yesterday and am determined to get my shit together. I have my favorite designer jeans hanging in my bathroom where I can see them every single day. My food today has consisted of 90% spinach so it would seem I'm off to a good start. Let's hope I don't turn a shade of green.

My boys are still my boys except when they act like heathens (ha!). Derick is doing terrible in high school and I'm waiting for him to have hi AH HA moment and realize he's only hurting himself. He's just like his mother. Jackson is mere weeks from being 5 and he's SO EXCITED he might actually burst into flames from the excitement. I love those kids even when they make me crazy.

As for the future? Duvain left half his clothes and shoes here because he'll be back in a few months and I sent him with tons of my clothes and shoes so I can come visit him over the summer. We might be chatting about really long term commitments (if you get my drift) and I couldn't be more excited.

Life is pretty grand on the whole and I couldn't ask for much more. How are YOU? I hope you're life is happy and healthy and full of adventures.

Bad blogger!

It's been a jillion years since I blogged last. I blame tax season and lack of wanting to write anything lately.

I've done SO MUCH lately that I want to talk about, though. Things like run a half-marathon without croaking, join an awesome book club, had a new nephew (!!!) and talk endlessly about Duvain coming to visit here for three months (he gets here in two weeks!).

I'll be back soon. Promise. Only 6 days left of hell tax season.

In the meantime I'll leave you with a few pictures...

 
Half-Marathon finisher with Natalie. (Excuse the creepy guy in the background.)

 
Jackson and I have put our ENO hammock to good use lately. Go get one, you won't be sorry.

 
The day my nephew was born I scored my highest score EVER against his mother. Sorry, Jenni!

 
My nephew, Wesley. I LOVE HIM!

 
I'm counting the days I get to snuggle with Jackson more.

 
Girl's night on Saturday was MUCH NEEDED. Hi Julie! (Jennie's photo.)

 
One of my favorite people. (Jennie's photo.)

30 things, #15

15. A photo from your childhood

The universe must be telling me that this is the next thing on the 30 list to post about. Last week my mom randomly texted me this picture:

 
OH MY GOD. This was taken, I'm guessing, around 4th grade ish. I remember thinking I was the shit in my preppy collared shirt and pink bow slapped on the side of my head. And those teeth, THOSE TEETH. Oh my.

Then a few days later I was browsing my bookshelf at home for a new book to read and this picture fell out of the pages of the book I picked:

 
This is football Hall of Famer Jackie Smith. My grandparents owned a restaurant in the 70's and the story about this picture was that I was visiting them at the restaurant and Jackie Smith came in to eat. He played for the St. Louis Cardinals at the time which makes sense because I was born not far from St. Louis and lived there until I was about 5. I would love to know who wrote on this photo because 1) they spelled Jackie's name wrong and 2) my last name is also spelled wrong. I find it so interesting that Mr. Smith finished his football career playing for the Dallas Cowboys which is funny because I've lived in DFW for most of my life.

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Number 1

Number 5

Number 8

 

30 things, #5

5. Meaning behind your blog name

As I was creating this new blog to do away with my old blog I wrestled with a name that wasn't lame and one that would apply for a long time. I didn't want to name my blog after the fact that I'm a mom because really, I'm much more than just a mom. I'm my own person with my own dreams, hopes, wishes, fears and failures. My old blog name related to my mommy-hood so it was definitely time for something new this time around.

I realized, as I was thinking of a name, that I have LOTS of grand plans that I make up often in my head. I live inside this head of mine often dreaming of all sorts of wonderful things that may or may not happen. I wanted my blog name to reflect the grand ideas I have but I also knew that most of those ideas, plans and dreams are just illusions because either 1) it's not possible for me to do everything I ever dreamed of 2) I don't have the drive to accomplish all those things I think of and 3) sometimes dreams are just that, dreams not meant to come to reality.

Sooooooo, I threw all those things together to come up with My Grand Illusions.

I have to throw in a shout out to Cherie who designed my banner because I think it depicts my blog name perfectly. That picture was taken in Wales on a gorgeous spring day. This was a case of my grand plans becoming reality because I had made a plan to go to Wales and I actually went and it was lovely and fun and awesome. Many of my grand plans don't come to fruition but that one did and I love that my blog banner reflects that. Thanks Cherie!

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Number 1

Number 8

30 things, #8

8. Last thing you purchased:

I have a tv in my guest room/office that's at least a jillion years old. It's clunky and heavy as hell. Also, the sound doesn't work which I discovered just a few weeks ago when the Uverse guy kept trying to get the sound to work. Now, I don't have many guests stay overnight and I don't even watch that tv (obviously since I just found out the sound was broken) but in true American fashion I felt the need to have a tv that worked properly for the one and only overnight guest I might host in a few years.

My brother talked me into getting a flat screen tv and I was astonished at the low cost for a 37" HDTV. It's smaller in bulk than my other tv but the screen is the same size, it'll save electricity when it's being used and it just looks better (these are my justifications for buying this tv I didn't really need). So Internet, meet my new tv that should be delivered any day now:

You are more than welcome to come visit my house and stay the night! I'll even let you watch my new tv! Woo!

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More 30 things...

Number 1

30 things, #1

Number one on the 30 things list is:

1. Your work space

So, here it is in all it's glory...

 
 
This is my work space at my office.

I've been at this job since 1995 and in this particular office for about 4 years now. You can see that I have a window which is sort of lovely considering there are days when I don't go outside for 12 hours or more. This office becomes a second home 3 months out of the year. I eat at my desk most days and that chair has my butt print memorized. This office has seen people cry out of anger and happiness. It's seen people yell at me, hug me and tell me lies to my face. I've kicked one person out of this office and invited thousands more to come sit down with me and do their tax return. Many friends over the years have stopped by to say hi and sit with me at this desk and chat or have lunch. I have an intense love/hate relationship with this desk and this office. I hate that I am stuck at a desk for hours upon hours upon hours for long stretches of time. I feel like a fourth of my life, every single year, is passing me by the longer I choose to sit at this desk and do this work. But I also love that the other 3/4 of the year is easy and breezy and I have so many freedoms that others don't have. It's a good work space that I'm lucky to have overall. Plus, the chair ain't half bad.

30 things

Sarah posted a great little blog project thingy in which there's a list of 30 thingys, prompts, whatever you feel like calling it. I think this is great for me because tax season is upon us and my brain mostly turns into mush and I cannot even think of anything witty to write about except taxes and we all know that's not that most entertaining topic.

Chances are I'll take the next 3 months doing this and it will likely be sporatic and chaotic but that's how I do it up in here. Also, I'll likely do it out of order because I can.

1. Your work space
2. The best part of your day
3. Something you refuse to do
4. Last book you read
5. Meaning behind your blog name
6. Talent you wish you had
7. A photo of you without makeup
8. Last item you purchased
9. Something that makes you sad
10. 15 facts about you
11. Your favorite thing right now
12. Best Christmas present you ever got
13. Your favorite teacher
14. Something you’re thankful for
15. A photo from your childhood
16. Something you crave
17. Your worst hair moment
18. Favorite smells
19. Last time you cried
20. Last time you had to apologize to someone
21. Something that scares you
22. Something that really bugs you
23. What you dislike most about your appearance
24. Celebrity crush
25. A trait you deplore in others
26. A photo taken 10 years ago
27. First book/movie/song that moved you
28. What turns you off
29. The story behind one of your scars
30. This was left blank so I suppose I'll come up with a random filler here eventually. Any suggestions? 

Face lift

My little 'ol blog got herself a face lift courtesy of Cherie. She took an existing photo that was taken in Wales (by my English beau) and made it look fantastic and relatable to my blog's name. How creative! 

I'm insanely in love with it. What do you think?

Also, it's been a hectic and stressful week here in my corner of the world. If you have some spare positive vibes you could send to me and to my oldest son, Derick, that'd be really lovely. We could both use some positive energy right about now.

Happy weekend to you and yours.