My Grand Illusions

Happy Birthday, Bobee

Dear Bobee,

You're THREE YEARS OLD today. I know that parents always say it but time goes so fast. I remember nursing you in the back room at the office and getting up with you in the middle of the night, every night, until you were a year old. I remember being scared you'd fall of the couch and I wouldn't catch you and now you get yourself on and off the couch like it's no big deal.

In May you fell from a third story window. As soon as I got the phone call your Uncle Patrick drove me to get to you and I thought I might lose you forever. How does a baby survive a fall from such heights? That moment that I saw you laying there, not moving, and making that god-awful noise I hope never to hear again, I thought you were forever changed from the little boy I knew. The drive in the ambulance was the worst but when you started talking to me I breathed a sigh of relief. You, my sweet baby boy, walked out of that emergency room many hours later that night.

You're still here to be silly with me and sing ridicolous songs with me. You're here to request to be chased all over the house repeatedly until we're both laughing about it so hard that we can't run. You're here to help me fix my nose ring when it sticks out a little bit, like you did this morning. You're here to pad your little feet into my room in the morning and ask if it's "wake-wake time". You're here to delight in Christmas lights and Tofutti cheese squares. You're HERE and it's SO AWESOME.

In the last year you've learned so many, many things. You're learning to tell jokes and oh boy, it's hilarious. Most of your jokes go like this:

You: Mommy?

Me: Yes, Bobee?

You: POOP!!! POOP!!!! POOP!!!!!!!! (Then you double over in laughter thinking you are the most hilarious joke teller in the history of joke tellers. You're definitely up there with the best of them, I can assure you of that.)

You've learned how to count and I remember the first time you counted to something like 12 and my jaw fell to the floor. How did you learn that?! You know all your colors, although I think you might get a few confused here and there. People comment all the time about how well you speak. You really do have the conversation skills of a much older child. It's probably because you're surrounded by adults who love to talk and talk and talk. It's a wonder you can get a word in edgewise!

This last year has not been without it's, um, challenges. You're so darn stubborn sometimes! We've had some spectacular, wall-peeling, brain-exploding meltdowns. Recently you were being such a heathen that I locked myself in my own room to take a moment to breathe and calm down. Boy were you pissed when you couldn't get in my room! I am becoming the master of bait-and-switch with you. If you're really upset about something I can often times distract you from whatever it is you're focused on and get you to forget how upset you are. I should get a mommy medal!

You're such a lucky kid, too. You've got so many, many people who love and adore you. Every year we've managed to pack around 50 people into a house to celebrate you! I hope that as you grow and get older that you always know how loved you are and how many people are on your side, rooting for you. The list of cheerleaders you have is extraordinary, you are blessed many, many times over.

I have so many wishes for you, my little Bobee. I wish for you to be happy with who you are and where you come from. I wish for you to be healthy. I wish for you to find your passion in life, whatever that may be. I wish for you to be kind and loving and honest. I wish for you to celebrate dozens and dozens and dozens more birthday with the people who love you. I wish for you to be confortable in your own skin. I wish for you to never stop wishing things for yourself and never to stop learning new things and never stop growing and evolving. I wish for you all the things in life you desire.

I love you, my sweet, silly, stubborn little boy. You rank right up there with my top two best things that ever happened to me. You rock my socks off, dude.

I love you, Bobee.

Love,  Mommy

The Blathering, version 2.0

Last year I attended The Blathering with a ton of ladies I feel privileged to call friends. It was a total blast and for sure one of the best trips I've ever taken in the history of trips. I mean, seriously. There was good food, cupcakes, free wine, tons of laughing and a gay bar. WHO COULD NOT LOVE THAT?!

The dates for The Blathering 2010 have been announced and you can get all the up-to-the-minute details here. I've sharpied in the dates and added a price tracker for flights to Chicago. The chance of spending a few days with these women (and hopefully more new women!) is so exciting, I can hardly stand it.

Say you'll come! PLEASE!

Quirks

I have a list of quirks about myself that's a mile long. As I was making coffee this morning I was reminded of one of them. I will make 5 cups of coffee on a Monday, drink one cup and stick the coffee pot in the fridge and just refill my cup each morning, heat it in the microwave and be on my way. I've told people that before and they look at me like I'm craaaaazy. I already knew I was so that's nothing new.

If I'm wearing tennis shoes I rarely untie them when I take them off. Literally I will struggle taking my shoes off if they are tied snuggly. This really makes no sense to me because I have to untie them to put them on the next time so it's not like I'm saving myself any time. I'm also probably ruining my shoes somehow.

While washing my face in the shower the other day I realized that I always wash it a certain way. If that certain way varies or changes I get all thrown off my routine and have to start all over again. Oh yes, I am craaaaaazy.

I have this odd thing I do that actually drives me crazy. When I'm driving and I see signs or billboards I count how many vowels are the words. Also, I put certain words in alphabetical order. This quirk actually made me go to the doctor's office once. I was literally too busy counting and alphabetizing that I wasn't paying attention to my driving. OCD, much? (Oh Internet, I MUST be nuts to tell you this one.)

When I type I always, always, always spell certain words wrong. Wierd, suprise, infromation, waht and a few others. I know how to spell these words but my brain, for whatever reason, cannot seem to spell these words properly. I thank the stars for spell check on a daily basis.

Since I got my iPhone I have the awful habit of playing solitaire or Mahjong while watching television. This is not technically a quirk of mine as opposed to an habit I need to break. I started doing this to keep my hands busy so I wouldn't stuff my face all night long.

Do you have quirks that you care to share? Tell me!

Loves

We all have those blue days on occasion and I'm having one today for no particular reason. Hormones, much? To combat those blue feelings I'm making a list of things I love lately.

• I'm loving that Project Runway is back on television. Thank god it's based in NY again. I was not terribly fond of last season being in LA.
• I'm in love with the warmer weather we're having. It's unseasonably warm and I'm positive Texas will be a bitch soon enough and plummet to 11 degrees again next week, but for now I'm liking this flip-flops weather.
• Researching flight options to NY for a trip there in August is making me happy. I'm excited to take Derick there again.
• Watching Jackson's face light up when we talk about his birthday cake and his party is quite fun. He's all into light sabre's and I cannot wait till he sees his surprise light sabre cake. Dude's gonna flip.
• I'm loving my new pair of shoes I just got. I love me some killer heels but I also like the ease of a cute pair of flats.
• Since I'm back to more than full-time hours at work I'm loving our new office. We got rid of all the old furniture and artwork, repainted and got all new stuff. It feels more sophisticated and grown-up. I'm loving my new office chair the most. It might be perfect for smooshing down in to and relaxing for a few minutes between appointments.
• Dried mango strips.
• Big salads with the best ever tomato dressing are a great way to pretend that summer is already here.
• I'm loving that I finally reached a goal of running 3 miles at one go. I was all puffy-chested-proud of that.

What are you loving these days? Share!
 

It's that time of year, again.

So. It's tax season and that means the same thing it means every single year. It means I'll be working like a bandit to get everything done in a short amount of time. Who's idea was it anyways to fit 12 months of work into a 3 month time span?!

This year is a bit different and it sort of bums me out. I have to work nights often enough to accommodate clients that can't come in during the day and seeing how I have an almost three-year-old it's really hard. When his bedtime is 8 and I get off at 9 and don't even get home till 9:30, well it puts a cramp on things. So this year I'm alternating weeks with Jackson. One week he'll be with me and I'll get off at a respectable 6 PM. I'll do the mommy thing as usual. The next week Jackson will be with his dad and those weeks I'll be working till 9 PM every night.

It will be nice to focus only on working and getting everything done and not have to stress about making dinner or cleaning up a thousand Matchbox cars. But it will also suck because I'll miss my little Matchbox- car-lover.

The only way I could justify this in my mind was that it'll be the best thing for everyone in the end. If I work long hours to make some more money I can save more and then have a low-stress rest of the year. I hope that's the case.

Please forgive me if I don't comment on your blogs or if I don't post much here. And if you think about me, send snacks because lord knows I'll need them!

It was bound to happen

I really like grey hair. It think it looks distinguished and worldly on most people if they care for it properly. My dad has had grey hair since he was in his early 20's. A few months ago he tinted it a shade of brown to lessen the grey and I just didn't like it. He looks sophisticated and handsome with his grey hair that's dashed with some white and black in the mix. My grandma also has grey hair and she keeps it short and nice styled and it looks nice on her, too. I think most of my friends have had a few grey hairs here and there and I think we've mostly accepted it as a sign of age. It's bound to happen, right?

I discovered my first grey hair when I was about 25. It was just sitting on my head mocking me and basically giving me the finger. So I did the only logical thing, I plucked it right on out and laughed manically while doing it. I don't believe in the whole "pluck on grey hair and 100 will grow in it's place". That seems ridiculous to me so I had no issues with plucking that one stray grey hair.

I've also colored my hair since the beginning of time, basically. I can't remember the last time I didn't have an alternate to my own hair color on my head, 1994, perhaps? It's just what I do and what my mother does and what most women seem to do that I know. It's a way to enhance my natural color or sometimes just make it something different completely. It also serves the purpose of covering up the pesky greys that started coming in more and more frequently as time has gone on. Whatevs, I thought. I'll just color my hair, cover the few errant grey hairs and go on with life.

UNTIL LAST WEEK.

You see, last week I colored my hair. It was definitely time. you could see enough shiny silver strands to warrant a trip to Target to get a new hair color. I choose a dark, dark brown. The same shade I've been drawn to lately. I used to be on a red-hair phase and although I'd kill for red hair it never looked right on me. So, I picked up my box of color, came home, mixed all the lovely chemicals together and applied them to each strand of hair as I've done a thousand times before. I waited the appropriate amount of time, washed my hair and proceeded with my day. The next day I saw grey hairs. LOTS OF THEM. The color didn't cover my grey hair. I may have broken out into a dry-heave and a rash just thinking about it. I'm only 32, I'm not supposed to have grey hair that people can see yet. I'm supposed to be able to cover it up and be done with it.

That's when I realized I needed the extra-super-dooper-double-strength-long-lasting-pays-my-mortgage(ahem)-kicks-ass-and-takes-names-later grey cover up hair dye. I assume this exists and now I just have to find it. So, if you see me in Target and I'm frantically looking at hair dyeing options with a look of terror on my face, you know why. I'm looking for hair dye that kicks ass and takes names.

Running

I used to say that you'd never see me running unless someone with a very large, very threatening object was chasing me and I honestly meant that. I wouldn't run unless my life depended on it and I suppose now that maybe that's why I've taken up running. Actually I'd say jogging is the correct term but whatever you call it, I'm definitely not walking.

My life doesn't literally depend on running, of course. But my health does and therefore I'd say that my life does depend on it. It depends on me moving and exercising. I think, also, that I've found that perhaps my sanity depends on it also.

When I was in middle and high school I remember running around the school track and my friends and I were always the girls that walked the whole way unless our overweight coach would make us run.If that was the case we'd run for as long as the coach would be watching us and then we'd revert right back to walking at a snail's pace. I never thought of running as exercise that I needed. I always thought it was something that was just a pain in the ass. Something I had to do to pass a class. I'm sure my health classes taught me otherwise but I obviously didn't want anything to do with it.

Times have a-changed.

I was running yesterday and I got lost in the motions of running. When I focus on the people around me or the act of actually moving my feet, one by one, I get mentally distracted by the whole thing. It's takes too much effort to pay attention to the details. But if I just put my mind on a soft focus and let  the thoughts come and go and listen to the music coming from the headphones I can get lost in running. I ran two miles yesterday without even realizing it. I wasn't going particularly fast (4.8 mph) and I wasn't going on hills or anything but it was just what I needed to think about things that have been on my mind lately. I didn't come to any grand conclusions or make any grand plans but I got a moment to really let my brain go on and on all while my feet were going on and on.

I can't believe I never did this before. I can't believe I was so prejudiced about something I'd never even given a chance. I run because I actually really like it. I like the feeling of "Wow! My body can do this and it's not going to die!". I feel so proud of my feet and legs and my heart and lungs and all my parts when I'm done running. They supported me and didn't fail me and I am ridiculously proud of that.

I'm going running tonight and I really can't wait to tie up the laces on my new running shoes, to pull my hair from my face, to turn up the speed on the treadmill and to just lose myself in the motions. It's my 'me' time and I'm so, so happy I found that thing that makes me happy.

It's been a slow year thus far

Every time I think of something to jabber on about I get distracted and then I draw a blank when I sit down to post a blog entry. Often times I think I'm not really cut out for this blogging thing. I don't manage to find much time to read other's blogs, preferring the short versions of Twitter and Facebook updates. And obviously the content I have floating around in my head for my own blog keeps running away with itself.

So, anyways...

Jackson was sick, sick, sick last week and the poor kid was just miserable and snotty and gross. He's much better, despite a lingering cough that won't go away but now I'm getting sick and this makes me so mad. I haven't been sick in almost 2 years with the exception of a slight cold that was barely a day and honestly it was probably just something in the air. My throat is scratchy and I have the snots like my poor kid had and I'm not sleeping as well as I usually do.

When I'm sick I tend to wear sweatpants that are 9,000 times to big, you know, the kind that the ass hangs down to the ankles. Why I would even purchase such sweatpants confounds me. I know they look awful on me and yet I spend my hard-earned money on them and than I actually wear them. I try to please Stacy and Clinton and not wear such shameful items out of the house but sometimes comfort really does take precedence.

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My dog, Emma, is on a staycation at Jackson's dad's house. Odd, huh? I love my dog, really I do, but she's kind of a handful what with being such a big girl. I'd never, ever give her to anyone that I didn't know and I'd never take her to a shelter. But it sure is nice to have her visit someone else once in a while and have the bed to myself. She thinks she's people and thinks her head belongs on the pillow next to mine and dog slobber in the middle of the night is something I prefer to avoid. She may or may not come home but at least I know she's being well cared for and I can see her whenever I like.

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Jackson will THREE YEARS OLD in less than 30 days and OMG, where did they time go? How on earth did this child go from a teeny, tiny helpless little bald baby to a 30 pound, non-stop talking toddler in the blink of an eye? I have yet to plan his birthday party which I need to get on. The last two years we've had it at my house and my house is large enough but when you try to cram 40 people into, it becomes a bit cramped. We've talked about renting a bounce house, going to an indoor bounce place, Chuck E. Cheese, bowling...you name it. Nothing sounds very appealing. In fact, I'd like to get a party planner and let her/him do it all for me. As if I had that kind of money or the desire to throw a party like that for my almost three-year-old. But it would be nice to have someone do it all for me.

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I'm excited that Project Runway and Chuck are coming back on television. Also, The Biggest Loser started again this week and I just don't know about it. I'm not invested in any of the contestants yet and that usually takes 3-4 episodes before I pick my favorites. I have noticed a trend with the team colors. Pink team seems to always be mother/daughter or two girl friends. Orange is mother/son. Red team is a married couple, etc. Anyone else notice this or am I the only one who notices random things like that?

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Tax season starts in about a week and let me just say I'm ready to get it started and face it head on. This might be the first year where I'm just ready to start so it can be over. I hate wishing away days, weeks and months of my life but it's not like I have much of a life during these next months anyways. Bring on the activities planned for after tax season, I can hardly wait!

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Speaking of activities planned after tax season. Do you have a favorite airfare watching site? I've subscribed to a few that alert me to price drops and such but I'm sure there are others I'm not aware of. Tell me what you use, please!

I'm welcoming 2010 with open arms

I wrote a long-winded post that recapped all of 2009 and then I choose to scrap the whole thing. Basically it was a review of the year, the ups and downs and in-betweens. 2009 was probably one of my best years so far and I managed to pack a lot of stuff into in, mostly all stuff that was enormously fun and repeat-worthy. I decided instead of recapping last year that I'd look forward to this brand new year. So far 2010 holds lots of promise to top 2009. I'm looking forward to seeing what it will bring me and my loved ones.

I rang in the new year with a hike at a local park not far from my house. I fall in love with this park a little more each time I visit. It was cold and a bit muddy and I must have hiked for almost an hour before I saw a single person. It was a great way to reflect on the year and make grand plans for this new year. I intend on making this hiking outing a yearly tradition. I took a few photos while on my walk and even though the trees and grass are mostly brown and dead, it's a gorgeous place to center yourself.

Who wouldn't be able to recharge and make grandiose plans for the up coming year with this back drop?

For 2010 I decided to make a list of goals rather than resolutions, although they are basically the same thing. I try to not make resolutions because it's just so easy to break them every single year. With a goal in mind there's a different set of rules, or at least it feels like it.

• I plan to set one single goal each week. It could be something big (like organizing one whole closet) or little (like returning a phone call I've been putting off), but if I make a goal each week I'll have, at the very least, accomplished 52 goals throughout the year. I can't take credit for this idea, it was passed along to me by a very brilliant friend.
• I'd like to lose that last 20 pounds by this time next year. It's doable and I know I have it in me. I just need to make those small changes and stick with my plans.
• Running has really been a slow-burning passion of mine. I say slow-burning because I don't really talk about it much because I still feel like an awkward teenage girl in gym class on occasions. I have a goal to run 3 miles and then 5 miles without stopping. So far I've made it to 2.75.
• Books are another passion. I love reading but I'd like to branch out with the subject and topics I'm choosing. My goal is to read around 25 books which include some biographies, non-fiction and history. Keep an eye on my Goodreads page to see what I'm reading!
• I'd like to make more of an effort to be kinder to my family. It's so easy to take for granted that your family will always be there for you so sometimes. I find myself saying and doing things I normally wouldn't say or do to strangers. Time to remedy that.
• Traveling is another goal I have for this year. So far I'm planning a trip to The United Kingdom, New York and Missouri with possibly another trip in there somewhere.
• My last goal is to really save as much money as possible to fund these trips. In conjunction with saving as much as possible I have a goal to really cut back on spending on things I don't need. (This of course does not include books!)

I have some lofty goals this year but I'm pretty confident I can make them reality with a little hard work and a bit of luck. I really am excited about this year, I think it's going to be a really awesome year that I'll be able to look back on and remember fondly.

Happy New Year, everyone...may this be your year to kick ass.

Well, that was fun

Hi! Did you know I lived in Texas? Did you know that it doesn't hardly ever snow and that it never snows on Christmas day? Well Texas was all feeling left out of the loop what with all the snow all over the country (and the world, Hi my UK people!) so it decided to show off and dump snow us via the windiest blizzard I've ever been in. Granted, I've never been in a blizzard, but it was sort of how I expected it to be. Ass-cold and crazy.

I drove in that crap for what should have been a short 25-minute car ride to get Jackson and go back home. But no, that would have been too easy. It took me over an hour-and-a-half to make that drive. I felt like I was in a video game, dodging cars that had gotten stuck on hills, trying my best to see when snow was literally blowing sideways and having idiots around me think that their little 2-seater cars wouldn't fly across the road when they slammed their breaks on. Whoa buddy, it was crazy out there.

Despite the crazy people, it was really lovely to see Jackson eat cup after cup of snow. We had a blast throwing snowballs at each other. We weren't fully prepared for a snowball fight so Jackson wore his younger cousin's pink gloves and I was decked out in pajama bottoms and an old pair of brown boots that I never use but that came in quite handy.

It's supposed to snow some more this week and I'm sort of excited about it. More eating of the snow! More snowball fights! I've now been properly schooled on how to make a snowball using my bare hands. I've been taught, over the phone, how to pack it in so it doesn't fall apart when thrown and how to make 2 or 3 at a time so you have some to spare. Fortunately my only competition at this moment is Jackson and I am a tad bit older than he is so I think no matter what my snowballs look like I'll probably win. So maybe we'll just build a snowman.

It was a lovely Christmas with (most of) my family. I was missing a few people that couldn't be here but I was able to talk with everyone that I wanted to on Christmas day, a few of those people I talked to several times. I got a few small gifts that I'm excited about. And my kids made out like bandits, as usual. Momma's got to get stuff ready to be donated to make some room!

The New Year is right around the corner which means that tax season is not far away either. Of course this means I'll be working my ass off to save enough money to live off of for the rest of the year. I'll be scarce around these parts, same as every year. But I'll be back often enough. I could never leave for good!

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!