My Grand Illusions

One Year

Today marks the one year anniversary of my sweet little baby, Jackson, falling from a third story window. I didn't write much about that day because it was just so fresh and raw and incomprehensible. Even now I can't think much about it. I mentally block out the first moments I saw him and the awful sounds coming from his little toddler mouth. I cried today just thinking about it and I am not a crier.

My baby fell from a third floor window and he walked away with a few scratches and a bruised backside. He WALKED AWAY FROM THAT. He has no lasting effects, he's perfectly healthy and happy and wonderful.

Today I celebrate his life and how miraculous it is that he is here. I celebrate that I have gotten another year with him. I celebrate that he's my silly, talkative, goofy, toot-machine, amazing little man.

I celebrate you, Jackson. You are one of two reasons I live and breathe. And I'm so glad that you live and breathe.

I love you.

Want to join in the fun?

See that little badge in the far bottom right column? The one that looks like this:

 
It's a new book clubI joined. But it's not your average book club, it's a Foodie Book Club! We're going to read all about food! I'm so fascinated by food and how people choose food and the origins of foods and preparation and, well, anything having to do with food so this is a perfect book club for me.  

You can see the first three books that we're reading if you click on this link. The first book, which I'm so interested to read is:

The Nasty Bits by Anthony Bourdain. I'm actually a bit nervous to read about him eating a "freshly slaughtered seal", but I'm hoping to learn a thing or two and that can't be a bad thing. Also, Anthony is dirty hot in my book, sort of like Johnny Depp.

If you're interested in reading about food and talking about it, please come on over and join us!

What should I make/bring?

So, you guys know I'm going to England IN EIGHTY days. OMG. I'd love to bring a few recipes with me to make while I'm there. Things that are "American", if you will. I've been thinking and thinking of what screams American! food and other than hamburgers and fries I ain't got much.

Also, being a vegan means I avoid meat and dairy products. So basically I'm asking for the nearly impossible. American foods that are vegan, or at least vegetarian-friendly. I am pretty well adept at altering recipes to make them vegan-friendly unless it's like a steak on a plate, obvs.

Also, I happen know that they don't have Double Stuf Oreos  where I'm going because we ate the shit out of those things while they were here visiting. I intend on packing some to bring with me. (Unless I eat them all!) What other treats should I bring? I'd like to get a few little things for everyone to try.

A little help, please!  

Bullet points

• Supposedly it's supposed to snow again today? and tomorrow? WHAT THE HELL TEXAS?! I never know how to dress anyways but especially now. It was nearly 60 Sunday and today it's close to freezing. I never wanted to live in a cold climate and it seems I'm getting no choice in the matter.
• Y'all, long distance relationships are hard with a capital H. We've finally gotten under the 100 day mark...only 83 days to go.
• This tax season is killing me. I say that about every tax season and this year is no exception. This week I'll work 68 hours. My savings account better be killer when it's all said and done.
• My house is an absolute disaster. There's dry cereal on the floor in the living room that I keep hoping the cat will eat, the laundry isn't folding itself, the sink is at full capacity and you should see the disarray of shoes that litter my bedroom floor, bathroom and hallway.
• I colored my hair a super dark shade of brown. Thankfully I think this brand of dye covered my multitude of greys that have taken residence on my head. See:

 

• I took Jackson to the Incredible Pizza Company this weekend and OH MY, it was THE place to be. There must have been 4 kajillion children running around, screaming and hyped up on massive amounts of mediocre food and sugar. Thankfully Jackson was happy enough just running around pushing buttons on the different games so I didn't have to spend a dime. By warned...bring your own hand sanitizer!
• This last weekend I ate like utter and and total crap. I ate out FIVE times in a 3 day time period. I can't even believe it. I had to count twice to make sure I was counting properly. This means that the few measly pounds I had worked off have made their way back.
• I ran 3.8 miles outdoors yesterday afternoon. It was the longest I've run outside ever and it was completely different from when I ran 4 miles on the treadmill. It was much, much harder toward the end because I was going up a slight hill. Some woman passed my by, also running, and I had to convince myself not to feel bad that she totally blew past me.
• I'm now a member of the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History. Jackson had so much fun in the kids area a few weekends ago that I just couldn't not get a membership. Now we can go for free as much as we want and bring guests with us!
• I ordered an iPod nanothat should be delivered any day now. I ordered it specifically for running and working out purposes but as a bonus I discovered it has a built in video recorder! Now I'll have something to record with when I go out of town. Score! (Also, I should do more research next time I buy something like that.)
• Lastly, I've been going to bed no later than 10 PM almost every night. I highly recommend it.

The potty and I are becoming likethis

So, I'm potty training my three-year-old. (OMG, I have a three-year-old!) Let me rephrase, I'm helping to potty train my three-year-old. I am blessed to have seriously the best babysitter EVER in the world and she's doing 80% of the work while I just keep it up at home. I totally need to give her the babysitter-of-the-year award.

I know a few of you bloggers are in the throws of potty training (or potty learning if you want to be PC) so here's what we've been doing. We set the timer for 15 minutes and we take him to the potty every 15 minutes. For the most part he wears big boy undies instead of pull-ups. Pull-ups are basically diapers so he only wears them when he's in the car or if he's at his Grandma's house. He gets a "treat" when he uses the potty. You read that right, I totally bribe my kid to relieve himself into the toilet by giving him dum-dum suckers. I don't feel the least guilty about it either.

I'm not doing the 15 minute time thing anymore, really. Now I ask him about every 20 minutes and we go sit on the potty no matter what. I think he's getting it, slowly. I was reminded that he's had 3 years of going whenever he wants so I have to be patient. Also, I don't know any five-year-olds that aren't potty trained, so I don't feel to anxious yet.

He's doing relatively well although he's had an accident or two everyday and we've been at this for 2 weeks. There's no turning back though, I'm determined to not change another diaper. We tried using a little potty chair that sat on the floor but he wants nothing to do with it. We use a potty seat insert whositthingy. (Technical term, ya know.)

 
Y'all, when we get this potty training thing down I may throw a party. It'll be the greatest day I've had in a while.

Anyhoo, other than working and potty training my brain is basically fried. There's only 65 days till tax season is over and 96 days till I leave for England. Not that I'm counting or anything...

Oh! And also! I ran 4 miles the other day for the first time ever! I am ridiculously proud of my short, little legs and how they took me so far!

Happy Birthday, Bobee

Dear Bobee,

You're THREE YEARS OLD today. I know that parents always say it but time goes so fast. I remember nursing you in the back room at the office and getting up with you in the middle of the night, every night, until you were a year old. I remember being scared you'd fall of the couch and I wouldn't catch you and now you get yourself on and off the couch like it's no big deal.

In May you fell from a third story window. As soon as I got the phone call your Uncle Patrick drove me to get to you and I thought I might lose you forever. How does a baby survive a fall from such heights? That moment that I saw you laying there, not moving, and making that god-awful noise I hope never to hear again, I thought you were forever changed from the little boy I knew. The drive in the ambulance was the worst but when you started talking to me I breathed a sigh of relief. You, my sweet baby boy, walked out of that emergency room many hours later that night.

You're still here to be silly with me and sing ridicolous songs with me. You're here to request to be chased all over the house repeatedly until we're both laughing about it so hard that we can't run. You're here to help me fix my nose ring when it sticks out a little bit, like you did this morning. You're here to pad your little feet into my room in the morning and ask if it's "wake-wake time". You're here to delight in Christmas lights and Tofutti cheese squares. You're HERE and it's SO AWESOME.

In the last year you've learned so many, many things. You're learning to tell jokes and oh boy, it's hilarious. Most of your jokes go like this:

You: Mommy?

Me: Yes, Bobee?

You: POOP!!! POOP!!!! POOP!!!!!!!! (Then you double over in laughter thinking you are the most hilarious joke teller in the history of joke tellers. You're definitely up there with the best of them, I can assure you of that.)

You've learned how to count and I remember the first time you counted to something like 12 and my jaw fell to the floor. How did you learn that?! You know all your colors, although I think you might get a few confused here and there. People comment all the time about how well you speak. You really do have the conversation skills of a much older child. It's probably because you're surrounded by adults who love to talk and talk and talk. It's a wonder you can get a word in edgewise!

This last year has not been without it's, um, challenges. You're so darn stubborn sometimes! We've had some spectacular, wall-peeling, brain-exploding meltdowns. Recently you were being such a heathen that I locked myself in my own room to take a moment to breathe and calm down. Boy were you pissed when you couldn't get in my room! I am becoming the master of bait-and-switch with you. If you're really upset about something I can often times distract you from whatever it is you're focused on and get you to forget how upset you are. I should get a mommy medal!

You're such a lucky kid, too. You've got so many, many people who love and adore you. Every year we've managed to pack around 50 people into a house to celebrate you! I hope that as you grow and get older that you always know how loved you are and how many people are on your side, rooting for you. The list of cheerleaders you have is extraordinary, you are blessed many, many times over.

I have so many wishes for you, my little Bobee. I wish for you to be happy with who you are and where you come from. I wish for you to be healthy. I wish for you to find your passion in life, whatever that may be. I wish for you to be kind and loving and honest. I wish for you to celebrate dozens and dozens and dozens more birthday with the people who love you. I wish for you to be confortable in your own skin. I wish for you to never stop wishing things for yourself and never to stop learning new things and never stop growing and evolving. I wish for you all the things in life you desire.

I love you, my sweet, silly, stubborn little boy. You rank right up there with my top two best things that ever happened to me. You rock my socks off, dude.

I love you, Bobee.

Love,  Mommy

The Blathering, version 2.0

Last year I attended The Blathering with a ton of ladies I feel privileged to call friends. It was a total blast and for sure one of the best trips I've ever taken in the history of trips. I mean, seriously. There was good food, cupcakes, free wine, tons of laughing and a gay bar. WHO COULD NOT LOVE THAT?!

The dates for The Blathering 2010 have been announced and you can get all the up-to-the-minute details here. I've sharpied in the dates and added a price tracker for flights to Chicago. The chance of spending a few days with these women (and hopefully more new women!) is so exciting, I can hardly stand it.

Say you'll come! PLEASE!

Quirks

I have a list of quirks about myself that's a mile long. As I was making coffee this morning I was reminded of one of them. I will make 5 cups of coffee on a Monday, drink one cup and stick the coffee pot in the fridge and just refill my cup each morning, heat it in the microwave and be on my way. I've told people that before and they look at me like I'm craaaaazy. I already knew I was so that's nothing new.

If I'm wearing tennis shoes I rarely untie them when I take them off. Literally I will struggle taking my shoes off if they are tied snuggly. This really makes no sense to me because I have to untie them to put them on the next time so it's not like I'm saving myself any time. I'm also probably ruining my shoes somehow.

While washing my face in the shower the other day I realized that I always wash it a certain way. If that certain way varies or changes I get all thrown off my routine and have to start all over again. Oh yes, I am craaaaaazy.

I have this odd thing I do that actually drives me crazy. When I'm driving and I see signs or billboards I count how many vowels are the words. Also, I put certain words in alphabetical order. This quirk actually made me go to the doctor's office once. I was literally too busy counting and alphabetizing that I wasn't paying attention to my driving. OCD, much? (Oh Internet, I MUST be nuts to tell you this one.)

When I type I always, always, always spell certain words wrong. Wierd, suprise, infromation, waht and a few others. I know how to spell these words but my brain, for whatever reason, cannot seem to spell these words properly. I thank the stars for spell check on a daily basis.

Since I got my iPhone I have the awful habit of playing solitaire or Mahjong while watching television. This is not technically a quirk of mine as opposed to an habit I need to break. I started doing this to keep my hands busy so I wouldn't stuff my face all night long.

Do you have quirks that you care to share? Tell me!

Loves

We all have those blue days on occasion and I'm having one today for no particular reason. Hormones, much? To combat those blue feelings I'm making a list of things I love lately.

• I'm loving that Project Runway is back on television. Thank god it's based in NY again. I was not terribly fond of last season being in LA.
• I'm in love with the warmer weather we're having. It's unseasonably warm and I'm positive Texas will be a bitch soon enough and plummet to 11 degrees again next week, but for now I'm liking this flip-flops weather.
• Researching flight options to NY for a trip there in August is making me happy. I'm excited to take Derick there again.
• Watching Jackson's face light up when we talk about his birthday cake and his party is quite fun. He's all into light sabre's and I cannot wait till he sees his surprise light sabre cake. Dude's gonna flip.
• I'm loving my new pair of shoes I just got. I love me some killer heels but I also like the ease of a cute pair of flats.
• Since I'm back to more than full-time hours at work I'm loving our new office. We got rid of all the old furniture and artwork, repainted and got all new stuff. It feels more sophisticated and grown-up. I'm loving my new office chair the most. It might be perfect for smooshing down in to and relaxing for a few minutes between appointments.
• Dried mango strips.
• Big salads with the best ever tomato dressing are a great way to pretend that summer is already here.
• I'm loving that I finally reached a goal of running 3 miles at one go. I was all puffy-chested-proud of that.

What are you loving these days? Share!
 

It's that time of year, again.

So. It's tax season and that means the same thing it means every single year. It means I'll be working like a bandit to get everything done in a short amount of time. Who's idea was it anyways to fit 12 months of work into a 3 month time span?!

This year is a bit different and it sort of bums me out. I have to work nights often enough to accommodate clients that can't come in during the day and seeing how I have an almost three-year-old it's really hard. When his bedtime is 8 and I get off at 9 and don't even get home till 9:30, well it puts a cramp on things. So this year I'm alternating weeks with Jackson. One week he'll be with me and I'll get off at a respectable 6 PM. I'll do the mommy thing as usual. The next week Jackson will be with his dad and those weeks I'll be working till 9 PM every night.

It will be nice to focus only on working and getting everything done and not have to stress about making dinner or cleaning up a thousand Matchbox cars. But it will also suck because I'll miss my little Matchbox- car-lover.

The only way I could justify this in my mind was that it'll be the best thing for everyone in the end. If I work long hours to make some more money I can save more and then have a low-stress rest of the year. I hope that's the case.

Please forgive me if I don't comment on your blogs or if I don't post much here. And if you think about me, send snacks because lord knows I'll need them!