My Grand Illusions

Bullet points

• Supposedly it's supposed to snow again today? and tomorrow? WHAT THE HELL TEXAS?! I never know how to dress anyways but especially now. It was nearly 60 Sunday and today it's close to freezing. I never wanted to live in a cold climate and it seems I'm getting no choice in the matter.
• Y'all, long distance relationships are hard with a capital H. We've finally gotten under the 100 day mark...only 83 days to go.
• This tax season is killing me. I say that about every tax season and this year is no exception. This week I'll work 68 hours. My savings account better be killer when it's all said and done.
• My house is an absolute disaster. There's dry cereal on the floor in the living room that I keep hoping the cat will eat, the laundry isn't folding itself, the sink is at full capacity and you should see the disarray of shoes that litter my bedroom floor, bathroom and hallway.
• I colored my hair a super dark shade of brown. Thankfully I think this brand of dye covered my multitude of greys that have taken residence on my head. See:

 

• I took Jackson to the Incredible Pizza Company this weekend and OH MY, it was THE place to be. There must have been 4 kajillion children running around, screaming and hyped up on massive amounts of mediocre food and sugar. Thankfully Jackson was happy enough just running around pushing buttons on the different games so I didn't have to spend a dime. By warned...bring your own hand sanitizer!
• This last weekend I ate like utter and and total crap. I ate out FIVE times in a 3 day time period. I can't even believe it. I had to count twice to make sure I was counting properly. This means that the few measly pounds I had worked off have made their way back.
• I ran 3.8 miles outdoors yesterday afternoon. It was the longest I've run outside ever and it was completely different from when I ran 4 miles on the treadmill. It was much, much harder toward the end because I was going up a slight hill. Some woman passed my by, also running, and I had to convince myself not to feel bad that she totally blew past me.
• I'm now a member of the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History. Jackson had so much fun in the kids area a few weekends ago that I just couldn't not get a membership. Now we can go for free as much as we want and bring guests with us!
• I ordered an iPod nanothat should be delivered any day now. I ordered it specifically for running and working out purposes but as a bonus I discovered it has a built in video recorder! Now I'll have something to record with when I go out of town. Score! (Also, I should do more research next time I buy something like that.)
• Lastly, I've been going to bed no later than 10 PM almost every night. I highly recommend it.

The potty and I are becoming likethis

So, I'm potty training my three-year-old. (OMG, I have a three-year-old!) Let me rephrase, I'm helping to potty train my three-year-old. I am blessed to have seriously the best babysitter EVER in the world and she's doing 80% of the work while I just keep it up at home. I totally need to give her the babysitter-of-the-year award.

I know a few of you bloggers are in the throws of potty training (or potty learning if you want to be PC) so here's what we've been doing. We set the timer for 15 minutes and we take him to the potty every 15 minutes. For the most part he wears big boy undies instead of pull-ups. Pull-ups are basically diapers so he only wears them when he's in the car or if he's at his Grandma's house. He gets a "treat" when he uses the potty. You read that right, I totally bribe my kid to relieve himself into the toilet by giving him dum-dum suckers. I don't feel the least guilty about it either.

I'm not doing the 15 minute time thing anymore, really. Now I ask him about every 20 minutes and we go sit on the potty no matter what. I think he's getting it, slowly. I was reminded that he's had 3 years of going whenever he wants so I have to be patient. Also, I don't know any five-year-olds that aren't potty trained, so I don't feel to anxious yet.

He's doing relatively well although he's had an accident or two everyday and we've been at this for 2 weeks. There's no turning back though, I'm determined to not change another diaper. We tried using a little potty chair that sat on the floor but he wants nothing to do with it. We use a potty seat insert whositthingy. (Technical term, ya know.)

 
Y'all, when we get this potty training thing down I may throw a party. It'll be the greatest day I've had in a while.

Anyhoo, other than working and potty training my brain is basically fried. There's only 65 days till tax season is over and 96 days till I leave for England. Not that I'm counting or anything...

Oh! And also! I ran 4 miles the other day for the first time ever! I am ridiculously proud of my short, little legs and how they took me so far!

Loves

We all have those blue days on occasion and I'm having one today for no particular reason. Hormones, much? To combat those blue feelings I'm making a list of things I love lately.

• I'm loving that Project Runway is back on television. Thank god it's based in NY again. I was not terribly fond of last season being in LA.
• I'm in love with the warmer weather we're having. It's unseasonably warm and I'm positive Texas will be a bitch soon enough and plummet to 11 degrees again next week, but for now I'm liking this flip-flops weather.
• Researching flight options to NY for a trip there in August is making me happy. I'm excited to take Derick there again.
• Watching Jackson's face light up when we talk about his birthday cake and his party is quite fun. He's all into light sabre's and I cannot wait till he sees his surprise light sabre cake. Dude's gonna flip.
• I'm loving my new pair of shoes I just got. I love me some killer heels but I also like the ease of a cute pair of flats.
• Since I'm back to more than full-time hours at work I'm loving our new office. We got rid of all the old furniture and artwork, repainted and got all new stuff. It feels more sophisticated and grown-up. I'm loving my new office chair the most. It might be perfect for smooshing down in to and relaxing for a few minutes between appointments.
• Dried mango strips.
• Big salads with the best ever tomato dressing are a great way to pretend that summer is already here.
• I'm loving that I finally reached a goal of running 3 miles at one go. I was all puffy-chested-proud of that.

What are you loving these days? Share!
 

It was bound to happen

I really like grey hair. It think it looks distinguished and worldly on most people if they care for it properly. My dad has had grey hair since he was in his early 20's. A few months ago he tinted it a shade of brown to lessen the grey and I just didn't like it. He looks sophisticated and handsome with his grey hair that's dashed with some white and black in the mix. My grandma also has grey hair and she keeps it short and nice styled and it looks nice on her, too. I think most of my friends have had a few grey hairs here and there and I think we've mostly accepted it as a sign of age. It's bound to happen, right?

I discovered my first grey hair when I was about 25. It was just sitting on my head mocking me and basically giving me the finger. So I did the only logical thing, I plucked it right on out and laughed manically while doing it. I don't believe in the whole "pluck on grey hair and 100 will grow in it's place". That seems ridiculous to me so I had no issues with plucking that one stray grey hair.

I've also colored my hair since the beginning of time, basically. I can't remember the last time I didn't have an alternate to my own hair color on my head, 1994, perhaps? It's just what I do and what my mother does and what most women seem to do that I know. It's a way to enhance my natural color or sometimes just make it something different completely. It also serves the purpose of covering up the pesky greys that started coming in more and more frequently as time has gone on. Whatevs, I thought. I'll just color my hair, cover the few errant grey hairs and go on with life.

UNTIL LAST WEEK.

You see, last week I colored my hair. It was definitely time. you could see enough shiny silver strands to warrant a trip to Target to get a new hair color. I choose a dark, dark brown. The same shade I've been drawn to lately. I used to be on a red-hair phase and although I'd kill for red hair it never looked right on me. So, I picked up my box of color, came home, mixed all the lovely chemicals together and applied them to each strand of hair as I've done a thousand times before. I waited the appropriate amount of time, washed my hair and proceeded with my day. The next day I saw grey hairs. LOTS OF THEM. The color didn't cover my grey hair. I may have broken out into a dry-heave and a rash just thinking about it. I'm only 32, I'm not supposed to have grey hair that people can see yet. I'm supposed to be able to cover it up and be done with it.

That's when I realized I needed the extra-super-dooper-double-strength-long-lasting-pays-my-mortgage(ahem)-kicks-ass-and-takes-names-later grey cover up hair dye. I assume this exists and now I just have to find it. So, if you see me in Target and I'm frantically looking at hair dyeing options with a look of terror on my face, you know why. I'm looking for hair dye that kicks ass and takes names.

It's been a slow year thus far

Every time I think of something to jabber on about I get distracted and then I draw a blank when I sit down to post a blog entry. Often times I think I'm not really cut out for this blogging thing. I don't manage to find much time to read other's blogs, preferring the short versions of Twitter and Facebook updates. And obviously the content I have floating around in my head for my own blog keeps running away with itself.

So, anyways...

Jackson was sick, sick, sick last week and the poor kid was just miserable and snotty and gross. He's much better, despite a lingering cough that won't go away but now I'm getting sick and this makes me so mad. I haven't been sick in almost 2 years with the exception of a slight cold that was barely a day and honestly it was probably just something in the air. My throat is scratchy and I have the snots like my poor kid had and I'm not sleeping as well as I usually do.

When I'm sick I tend to wear sweatpants that are 9,000 times to big, you know, the kind that the ass hangs down to the ankles. Why I would even purchase such sweatpants confounds me. I know they look awful on me and yet I spend my hard-earned money on them and than I actually wear them. I try to please Stacy and Clinton and not wear such shameful items out of the house but sometimes comfort really does take precedence.

:::::::::

My dog, Emma, is on a staycation at Jackson's dad's house. Odd, huh? I love my dog, really I do, but she's kind of a handful what with being such a big girl. I'd never, ever give her to anyone that I didn't know and I'd never take her to a shelter. But it sure is nice to have her visit someone else once in a while and have the bed to myself. She thinks she's people and thinks her head belongs on the pillow next to mine and dog slobber in the middle of the night is something I prefer to avoid. She may or may not come home but at least I know she's being well cared for and I can see her whenever I like.

:::::::::

Jackson will THREE YEARS OLD in less than 30 days and OMG, where did they time go? How on earth did this child go from a teeny, tiny helpless little bald baby to a 30 pound, non-stop talking toddler in the blink of an eye? I have yet to plan his birthday party which I need to get on. The last two years we've had it at my house and my house is large enough but when you try to cram 40 people into, it becomes a bit cramped. We've talked about renting a bounce house, going to an indoor bounce place, Chuck E. Cheese, bowling...you name it. Nothing sounds very appealing. In fact, I'd like to get a party planner and let her/him do it all for me. As if I had that kind of money or the desire to throw a party like that for my almost three-year-old. But it would be nice to have someone do it all for me.

:::::::::

I'm excited that Project Runway and Chuck are coming back on television. Also, The Biggest Loser started again this week and I just don't know about it. I'm not invested in any of the contestants yet and that usually takes 3-4 episodes before I pick my favorites. I have noticed a trend with the team colors. Pink team seems to always be mother/daughter or two girl friends. Orange is mother/son. Red team is a married couple, etc. Anyone else notice this or am I the only one who notices random things like that?

:::::::::

Tax season starts in about a week and let me just say I'm ready to get it started and face it head on. This might be the first year where I'm just ready to start so it can be over. I hate wishing away days, weeks and months of my life but it's not like I have much of a life during these next months anyways. Bring on the activities planned for after tax season, I can hardly wait!

:::::::::

Speaking of activities planned after tax season. Do you have a favorite airfare watching site? I've subscribed to a few that alert me to price drops and such but I'm sure there are others I'm not aware of. Tell me what you use, please!

I'm welcoming 2010 with open arms

I wrote a long-winded post that recapped all of 2009 and then I choose to scrap the whole thing. Basically it was a review of the year, the ups and downs and in-betweens. 2009 was probably one of my best years so far and I managed to pack a lot of stuff into in, mostly all stuff that was enormously fun and repeat-worthy. I decided instead of recapping last year that I'd look forward to this brand new year. So far 2010 holds lots of promise to top 2009. I'm looking forward to seeing what it will bring me and my loved ones.

I rang in the new year with a hike at a local park not far from my house. I fall in love with this park a little more each time I visit. It was cold and a bit muddy and I must have hiked for almost an hour before I saw a single person. It was a great way to reflect on the year and make grand plans for this new year. I intend on making this hiking outing a yearly tradition. I took a few photos while on my walk and even though the trees and grass are mostly brown and dead, it's a gorgeous place to center yourself.

Who wouldn't be able to recharge and make grandiose plans for the up coming year with this back drop?

For 2010 I decided to make a list of goals rather than resolutions, although they are basically the same thing. I try to not make resolutions because it's just so easy to break them every single year. With a goal in mind there's a different set of rules, or at least it feels like it.

• I plan to set one single goal each week. It could be something big (like organizing one whole closet) or little (like returning a phone call I've been putting off), but if I make a goal each week I'll have, at the very least, accomplished 52 goals throughout the year. I can't take credit for this idea, it was passed along to me by a very brilliant friend.
• I'd like to lose that last 20 pounds by this time next year. It's doable and I know I have it in me. I just need to make those small changes and stick with my plans.
• Running has really been a slow-burning passion of mine. I say slow-burning because I don't really talk about it much because I still feel like an awkward teenage girl in gym class on occasions. I have a goal to run 3 miles and then 5 miles without stopping. So far I've made it to 2.75.
• Books are another passion. I love reading but I'd like to branch out with the subject and topics I'm choosing. My goal is to read around 25 books which include some biographies, non-fiction and history. Keep an eye on my Goodreads page to see what I'm reading!
• I'd like to make more of an effort to be kinder to my family. It's so easy to take for granted that your family will always be there for you so sometimes. I find myself saying and doing things I normally wouldn't say or do to strangers. Time to remedy that.
• Traveling is another goal I have for this year. So far I'm planning a trip to The United Kingdom, New York and Missouri with possibly another trip in there somewhere.
• My last goal is to really save as much money as possible to fund these trips. In conjunction with saving as much as possible I have a goal to really cut back on spending on things I don't need. (This of course does not include books!)

I have some lofty goals this year but I'm pretty confident I can make them reality with a little hard work and a bit of luck. I really am excited about this year, I think it's going to be a really awesome year that I'll be able to look back on and remember fondly.

Happy New Year, everyone...may this be your year to kick ass.

The 'B' word

If you read post about traveling in 2010, you'll know that I've got some vacations I'm planning. Two are in the works and another has been discussed briefly. To be able to go on vacations it's usually pretty important to have money to fund it. Unfortunately I am not independently wealthy (WHY?!) and do not know anyone that is (AGAIN< WHY!?), so I have to save and scrimp and put my pennies in a jar. My travel plans this upcoming year are quite lofty so this means I'll need a larger sum of savings than usual.

Tax season is coming which means I'll be working my ass off and I'll be able to stash some money aside for these trips. But I need to make sure I also save enough to pay for the small things, like my mortgage and food. This means I'll have to cut some corners in my spending also to accomplish the goal of travels, having a place to live and eating. I've considered cutting out all but the essentials before to help pay my house off earlier. I thought about canceling my cable, internet, home phone and other "luxuries" that I could live without. But I know me and I know I like to watch Top Chef on cable and I like to be able to get on the internet at home from a computer. But I've been making a mental list of the things I can do to save a buck or two and really make the most of what I've got.

• I need a grocery budget. I did a 30 days grocery budget spending only $100 for the month and I did well. I only went over a few bucks so I know I can do it. I think I'll make a more reasonable budget of $200 a month. Savings would be approximately $100 a month.
• Cancel my Netflix membership. I used to watch Netflix movies and shows all the time and now I never do. I've had the same three DVD's sitting on my desk for two months. That'll save $15 a month.
• Pay off that last credit card. Technically this won't save me much money but I'll save the interest and have that monthly amount I am paying to set aside.  $75 a month savings.
• Give myself an allowance. As it stands I just buy what I want when I want it if I can can afford it. Some months I might spend $20 on myself, others I might spend $200. I need a consistent budget for frivolous purchases. No one needs 3 new handbags at once. Approximate savings, let's say $100.

Total savings per month, approximately : $285

That's not a lot but its a good start. That's an airplane ticket to New York or a few night's stay in a hotel or enough to have some spending money on a vacation. If I'm being honest with myself I really just need to work a butt-load of hours at work for those few months and then I'll be set for the rest of the year. It's just so so so daunting for some reason. I'm not cut out for 15 hour work days, 6 days a week for almost 4 months.

But I'm going to buckle down and suck it up and git 'er done for the sake of a fun-filled traveling year that won't leave me homeless with no food. Perhaps that can be my New Year's Resolution. Just get it done and then relax for the rest of the year. Without whining....that's the real goal.

The things I won't compromise on

Remembering who you are as a singular being in a relationship is a challenge for a lot of people I think. It's hard to not throw yourself full-force into the likes and activities of the significant other in your life and remember to do the things that make you you. My relationship status is, well, complicated. I'm definitely not taken and I'm definitely not feeling single. But I am feeling that spark of something happening. It's all so very exciting and new a feeling I haven't felt in a long long long time, years really.

This is extremely preemptive but I wanted to make a list of the things I am not willing to compromise on. Things that, no matter what, I believe in and I never want to change, no matter if I end up with someone or alone for the rest of my life. I want to make sure I stay true to myself so I can be happy.

Family. I won't again be with someone who doesn't regard their family as one of the most important things in their life. It seems like such an easy, natural thing but I learned that some people just don't value their families like I think they should be valued. That's not to say that we all don't need a break from our families sometimes. But it should be a given that if you've got family close by that you make the attempt to spend time with them on occasion.

Travel. I don't need to travel to far away places for weeks and weeks but I do like to get away for a bit, to escape real life. I want to be able to do that without having to worry about having someone who doesn't want to ever leave the safety bubble they've created. No, I won't drag someone on a vacation again, I need a willing partner.

Laughter. After it's all said and done there's got to be laughter. Lots and lots of laughter. I won't settle for someone with no sense of humor.

My children. If you can't hang with my kids than basically we're done. That's that.

Honesty, integrity and dependability. That's a tall order, except it's really not. Everyone deserves to get the truth, to be able to depend on others and expect others to be true to themselves.

Personal space. I think everyone needs their little bit of personal space to do what makes them happy. I want to always be able to go read a book or have lunch with a girlfriend or even just take a nap. I want to do these things without feeling guilty. I also want to make sure that I can give that personal space without being clingy or needy.

Love. You'd think this would be the easy one. But not for me. Simply put, all I want is someone who loves me for me.

We'll see if anyone's up for such a demanding order...

A whirlwind week

It's been a whirlwind week full of family, firsts, sight-seeing, eating a lot and really just having a great time. I took Derick to the airport this morning which means that everyone who came into town for the holidays is officially gone and back at home. I'm filled with a sense of the blues because everyone is so far away. If I could, I'd make everyone move here and stay for good.

This year marks the most amount of people we've had over for Thanksgiving ever. An Aunt flew in from Ohio and her daughter, my cousin, came in from South Carolina. One set of grandparents came from Missouri and another from Austin. Derick came in from Pennsylvania and my Dad's cousins came all the way from England.

I stayed up later than I usually do, often past 2 AM and then got ready the very next day at 8 or 9 AM. I am exhausted and ready to hibernate for a year. But it really was all worth it to see everyone. I didn't get around to writing an "I'm Thankful for..." post so here's my belated list:

• I'm thankful that my family is loud and crazy and chaotic. I wouldn't have them any other way.
• I'm thankful I have the means to fly Derick home on a pretty regular basis. It does my heart good to spend time with him even though he's far away.
• I'm thankful that my dad's cousins accept me and my children despite the fact that we're not blood-related. One of their Aunts did not accept us because of the above reason.
• I'm thankful for the Internet and social media sites so I can keep up with family and friends on a regular basis and also because I've met some amazing people using those avenues.
• I'm thankful that my family has no worries about food shortages or housing or other things some people have to worry about. We really are lucky.
• I'm thankful for the great family and friends I have, you all make me who I am and I truly believe you all make me a better person.

There are thousands of photos from this past week. I've picked a few that I really like.

This was the morning of Thanksgiving with my Aunt and Grandma.

 We couldn't let people go home without having a true Texas experience on a fake bull at Billy Bob's. Yeehaw. 

 
Me and Duvain (and some random guy) at the new Cowboy's stadium. That place is MASSIVE.

The Stockyards.

A little Guitar Hero was in order.

Happy belated Thanksgiving. I hope you and your's had a lovely time.

On being a kid

What I miss about being a kid:

• Not having to lug around 800 keys in my purse. I have keys to office buildings, cars, multiple houses, fire-safe boxes, etc. Those tiny things weigh a ton when there are 400 of them.
• I miss not being tied to a phone all day long. Sometimes I just don't answer the phone when it rings and I feel so guilty. As a kid I had a pager (I felt so cool) but I could take my time calling back whoever was paging me, usually my mother. Now people know they can reach me at all times, no matter where I am.
• Sleeping in every single weekend. Boy howdy, I miss sleeping in till 11 AM then padding to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal then lazing around on the sofa for hours watching MTV music videos.
• I miss music videos on MTV that were actually good music videos and not just all tricked out and made on computers.
• I miss not worrying about world peace and animal factory farming practices and children that are starving. I knew about most of these things like all kids but those problems were so beyond my realm of understanding that I often just put them in the back of my mind.  
• I sure did take for granted that food would always be in the fridge, I'd always have clean clothes to wear and that the utilities always were taken care of without me having to write a single check.
• Not having to balance a checkbook. Or pay a credit card bill on time to avoid being charged a billion dollars in late fees which also results in poor credit which means that I can only apply for a credit card at The Dollar Store.
• Not stressing about if I save enough for retirement.
• Wondering if what I have saved for retirement will recover from the market crash and if I should stick my money under my mattress or bury it in my backyard instead (do not look there, you will not find it!).

What I don't miss about being a kid:

• Oh the insecurities of being a kid. I have them still, but on a much, much smaller scale.
• The feeling of the having no freedom. I am free to make my own choices and go where ever I want to go without checking in.
• I don't miss having no money. Not that I'm loaded now but I get a few bucks here and there to spend however I want on whatever I want. That's pretty sweet.
• I don't miss the way I felt like I couldn't make a difference and that I was just too insignificant.
• The lack of style I had a kid. I was all over the map trying to find myself. I still often reinvent myself but it's because I want to not because the coolest girl in school just crimped her hair and now I have to also to keep up.
• Not knowing as much as I do now. Oh sure, I thought I knew it all and everyone else (the adults) knew nothing but it turns out you do know more as an adult.
• The thing I don't miss about being a kid the most is that I now get to determine 100% of my own happiness and I own it all. Even though I had the same power as a kid I didn't utilize it.

What do you miss about being a kid the most? What do you not miss about being a kid the most?