My Grand Illusions: May 2011

Duvain and I just got back from taking a long weekend road trip to the Ouachita National Forest in Arkansas and parts of Oklahoma. We leave to go on our cross-country trip in less than a week so I thought it would be good practice to do a smaller version of a camping road trip to see how it will all work. I'd rather find that we need to tweak a few things here or there when we're only half a days drive away as opposed to all the way across country.

The intention was to go tent camping, hiking and biking. I was excited to get Duvain back to the mountains that he loves so much while showing him a bit of the US and just having a really good weekend. Thank god for the good company because it was an almost total bust of a camping trip.

The first night we ended up sleeping in the back of the van in a Walmart parking lot in Mena, Arkansas.

It was as bad as it sounds. I had an idea where we'd go camping the first night but it just fizzled out by the time we finally got into Arkansas. The rain wouldn't stop and I was frustrated and tired and so over everything. If we'd have been closer to home I would have turned around and gone back. Little did I know that that first night would be the best night's sleep we'd have over the course of the weekend. As white-trash as it sounds I haven't laughed so hard in a while on the morning we woke up in that parking lot. The ridiculousness of it hit me and I couldn't contain my excessive laughter. If Duvain didn't know I was crazy before he definitely knows now.

The second day we finally got some proper maps and legit camping information so we set out to see all that Arkansas had to offer. We spent most of the day driving around seeing the mountains and all of the mist and fog that covered them. On top of one of the mountains I couldn't see more than 20 feet in front of me. We had planned on camping near the mountain top but it was pointless since we couldn't see anything. The photo below is literally on the very top of a 2,000 foot mountain and you can plainly see the lack of views.

Later in the day we found a decent camping site at the Big Brushy Recreation Site. The camping site wasn't too awful unless you considered the smell from the toilets (OMG) the lack of atmosphere, the large sign warning us of bears (DOUBLE OMG) and the fact that the tent pads were packed down with gravel. Duvain said that whoever decided to make a tent pad from gravel was not a tent camper and clearly must have been smoking large amounts of crack cocaine when he choose tiny rocks to sleep on. We both wanted to punch whoever it was in the face the next morning. I've never had a more uncomfortable night's sleep, I'm sure of it. Despite having inflatable roll mats and sleeping bags we were still sore as hell.

By far the strangest encounter was in Hot Springs. I had been to Hot Spring when I was a kid and I had fond memories so I just knew Duvain would love it also. WRONG. Now don't get me wrong, the mountain was nice to drive up and see the views and walking around the main drag was OK but we met this man who was fucking INSANE and left us scratching our heads at the same time we were driving as far away from his as possible.

All we wanted was a cup of coffee from a local coffee shop so we innocently walked in to the nearest place we could find and that's where we met Donnie. Oh Donnie. As far as we could tell he was the owner of the coffee shop and he was crazy-pants times a zillion. He sat down with us at our table with the story of wanting to admire Duvain's tattoos. People often ask my sweetheart about his artwork which is nothing new and Duvain is quite happy to talk about it but this was different. After 5 seconds of looking and talking to Duvain, Donnie turned to talk to me and proceeded to tell me that God might be a woman because the divine is womanly and that he woke up on day from having a dream and it all became clear to him. He knew his life had changed when the Illuminati mailed him a letter saying they knew this dude's deepest and darkest secrets. I laughed out loud because I've read the Dan Brown books and saw the movies and I just couldn't believe what I was hearing! Donnie also wrote 20 books but he can't share them because they're secret. We were told about how he was the light and the dark people are out to steal his lightness with there darkness and how two little old ladies came into his store for an entire week trying to steal his lightness. Apparently he had to kick them out of his coffee shop. The highlight of our conversation came when he told us about "zappers". I was so confused that I had to ask what a zapper was. Donnie said, with a straight face, that zappers are "the vampires that suck the light from you. Google it. They're real". Oh HELL NO. This dude, with his shellacked mullet was too much. It was time to leave Hot Springs before we were zapped. I considered just going straight home to get away from Donnie but we ended up staying one more night about an hour away from Hot Springs.

On our last night we stayed at Shady Lake which wasn't actually all that bad. We half expected Donnie to show up in a flowy robe and crazy glowing red eyes. Duvain was ready and waiting just in case Donnie was a vampire himself!

If the weather had been nicer and there would have been more people there I think it could have been a place I'd stay all weekend. The water was nice, it was a clean park with showers and bathrooms and the price was reasonable. We opted to forgo sleeping in the tent again because they have the same awful gravel tent pad but we were so sore from the previous night that it was a fitful night's sleep.

By 6 am we were both up and ready to get home as soon as possible. On our drive out we passed what must have been at least 30 Tyson chicken "shed's" which depressed me to no end. There were likely 3/4 of a million chickens crammed into those sheds just living a horrible dark life waiting to be killed. I'd never seen those chicken sheds in person before and I understood why there were hidden away by the mountains where most people don't venture to. Seeing those sheds coupled with the crappy weather we'd had all weekend, dreary campsites, crazy Donnie and a myriad of other things we saw just made me not want to frequent Arkansas any time soon. I'd give it a 4 out of 10, perhaps maybe even a 3 and that's being generous.

BUT!

The company was good and really that's one of the most important things. We made lemonade from
sucky lemons, we sang stupid songs, talked about a thousand different topics and just explored together. That was the best part.

I have lost the blog love lately. Obviously. I just can't get into writing a long-winded post about happenings around me and my loved ones. I feel like my Twitter stream and Facebook account are doing the talking for me so I've neglected this site for far too long. I decided to take this blog in a different direction.

I have no problem whatsoever taking photos all day long. I have my trusty iPhone that I adoreand all the photo apps that go along with it so why not use those to help me blog? I think I'll try posting photos that I find interesting, funny, informational, or just plan 'ol pretty. Words don't flow easily for me as they do for some people and I don't want to feel like I have to blog. I think this might be a great way to talk about things in a fun way that I'll remember down the line.

Who knows what I'll be posting. Today is all about going to see the place where my brother and future sister-in-law are getting married. Tomorrow might be a picture of a Lego sculpture that Jackson makes for me. If I make a particularly tasty snack I might feel so inclined to show the Internet. That's the great thing about having your very own blog...redesigning, changing, evolving and adapting are all things I can do when ever I feel like it.

So here goes...

Two nights ago Duvain and I went with my brother, Patrick, and his future wife, Brittany, to see the location they're getting married at next June. The location was having an open house with free champagne (yippee!) and free food (double yippee!). It was really nice to see where the girl's would be getting ready for the big day and where the ceremony would take place. The sparkly chandeliers and juliet balcony won me over.

Also, the photo booth won me over big time. Everyone should have one at their wedding.

We put our props on for our photo booth photos.

I really loved the mashed potato bar. Apparently potato bars are all the rage? Really? That's so 1970's I thought. Everything old is new again I suppose.

The poor waiters and waitress's probably shuddered when they realized how many glasses of champagne we were grabbing as they walked by. I swear we must have grabbed 2 glasses each and every time one of them walked by. Multiply that by about 5 and you can imagine how our heads felt the next morning.