Dear Jackson,
Today is your FOURTH birthday! I must have sang you Happy Birthday a dozen times by 10am this morning which led to us to singing happy birthday to shoes and socks and the road and suckers and anything else that we could think of. The silly in you is coming out full force and I just love it. We can giggle about the most ridiculous things until our bellies hurt and then giggle some more.
This morning we got off to a late start because Snowpocalypse 2011 has us in its grips. The power was out at home because of planned blackouts in Texas due to an energy shortage and there was a solid inch of ice all the way up the street and we basically ice skated our way to your dad's house so I could drop you off and go to work. No school for you today because it'sclosed! Clearly Texas doesn't care whos birthday it is.
You've changed so much in the last year, it's almost unreal. In the last few months you've learned to dress yourself and it's only like the coolest thing ever to see you assert your style by way of rolling your tall socks down to your ankles like I used to do in the 80's. Your preference for light up Spiderman shoes over the cool Chucks that I picked out annoys me endlessly but I let you not wear the expensive shoes in favor of the cheap light up shoes because it makes you happy and who really cares what shoes you wear? You have shoes to wear and that's all that matters.
Other ways you assert you independence and choice making skills recently? By choosing to eating hardly a single thing I place in front of you unless it's peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, vegetarian chicken nuggets, cheese sticks, Goldfish crackers, pretzels or cereal. It's commonplace to bribe you to get you to eat one single kernel of corn or a tiny little black bean. Although you have this love of Progresso's Lentil Soup that knows no bounds so you better believe I buy cans upon cans of that stuff. It's got beans! and spinach! and you eat it willingly! It's my only food success with you. You stubborn child, you.
You arestubborn and loud and opinionated and in-your-face and *on* all the time. You rarely slow down long enough to observe things around you. A trail of dust and loads of questions go with you wherever you are. You are my busy bee, always going, going, going. Sometimes I turn the tv on hoping you'll sit still long enough so I can just look at you and admire you. Your imagination and ability to play alone with your toys (most of the time) are wonderful things to watch.
Dinosaurs and dragons are YOUR thing. When I went to Wales this past year and I brought back a few Welsh dragon toys and oh boy, if those weren't the coolest thing ever. Now, every red dragon you see is the Welsh dragon. You have every form of dragon and dinosaur there is: stuffed, plastic, foam, printed in books, embossed on clothing and everything in between. Your favorite movie is 'How To Train Your Dragon'. I swear you've seen it 100 times. It's not nearly as cute to me but you seem to love it more every time you watch it.
You know what I've really enjoyed doing with you? Exploring. It's my most favoritething to do with you and your brother, Derick. We bring some water with us, dress appropriately for the weather and head out to a local hiking path and we walk and walk and walk until we get to the lake. You're 4 now so it's not like we talk about in depth life changing things but someday maybe we will. While picking up sticks and throwing rocks in the water maybe we'll talk about life and the world and how we all fit in somewhere.
You're almost too big to have a rocking chair in your room anymore. I can't hold you comfortably like my little baby and rock you because your little legs are just too long and your head is a 4-year-old head instead of a little tiny baby head. Sometimes I call you my baby and you scoff and make sure I know that you are, in fact, not my baby and oh how that breaks my little heart but then it makes me so proud! You are growing up and you are getting to be such a big boy. To be honest, I've never been one of those parents who wants their kids to stay small forever. I really, really look forward to you growing up and doing things with you. I can't wait to go on vacations with you and actually hang out together. I look forward to talking about music and books and movies. I savor these moments but I also look forward to who you'll become as you get older.
I've never really publicly said this but I never had the dream to have kids. It was never a desire that I sought to make a reality. I don't think I'm made of whatever it is that makes someone want kids deep in their core. I tell you what though, my little chicken-head, you and your brother are the kids I dream about and the kids I desire to have around me. I am the luckiest momma in the world to have been given you guys. I stumble and fall a lot in the parenthood gig and sometimes I just downright suck at it but I sure am glad I got you and your brother to walk along this crazy path with.
My little 4-year-old. My little Bobee. You are one of the two greatest things that ever happened to me. I'm damn lucky to have you in my life and I promise to always make sure you have cake on your birthday, let you roll your socks down to your ankles and go on adventures with you. You are my little boy always and forever.
I love you sweetcheeks.
Love, Mommy
