My Grand Illusions

Mommy blogging

Mommy blogger alert! Mommy blogger alert! Mommy blogger alert!

Derick is flying home in about a week to visit for Thanksgiving. He'll be home for about 10 days and I just cannot wait till he gets here. I haven't seen him since August when I took him to the airport to go back to his dad's house after spending most of the summer with me. Jackson and I have been talking about how Derick's going to get on a plane and come see us. Jackson thinks planes are the coolest thing ever along with his big brother so it's double excitement for him.

I keep hoping that Derick will come home to visit and decide to stay for good but I know that's probably not going to happen. I've resigned myself to the fact that he's thriving at his dad's house and that's really all I can ask for. He's happy and keeps busy and he's likes it. Honestly, he's a teenage boy and let me tell you, those teenage boy things they go through is for the birds. All those wonky hormones and brain miss-firings and farting is a lot for one momma to handle. Not that I couldn't do it, but it's nice to have a man (his dad) to pick up where I left off. He gets the sex talk every time he comes home, though, I've already planned on this talk already. He'll be so embarrassed!

Derick will only be here for 10 days and I'm still not quite certain if he's going to come home for Christmas. The school he's at just doesn't have long holiday breaks like they do here so his time is limited and I can't have him missing a ton of school. I worry he doesn't come home enough. I worry that he's not bonding  enough with his brother, his cousins and his uncles and grandparents.

What they don't tell you in the parenting books is about the worry and the heartache. Or maybe I missed the chapter for divorced parents where it tells you that eventually your kid will choose one parent over the other and that even though you shouldn't take it personally, you do. I missed that particular paragraph in the Dr. Sears book. Maybe that's because I was too busy trying for the Th time to get Derick to tie his shoes correctly so he wouldn't trip and fall on his perfect little nose that looks just like his dad's. Hell, I'm sure that same scenario happens to parents who are still married. Don't kids gravitate toward one parent over the other eventually?

Speaking of a kid who gravitates to one parent. It irks me that Jackson cries for his daddy when I'm doing things like wiping his butt or his nose or whatever else needs wiping. WHAT IS THAT? It's normal, I know, or so they say so. Last weekend Jackson's dad brought him home from being gone all weekend and Jackson was so excited to see me and I was all HUZZAH!, me kid loves me! Then, not two hours later he was whining about his dad and going to his daddy's house.

INHALE. EXHALE.

Derick was very excited about Halloween this year. Jackson was also excited about Halloween. Derick went through a haunted house with some friends and thought it was hilarious that the girls were freaked out and were screaming like, well, girls. Ah, I remember those high school days of screaming and hoping one of the boys would be my hero and rescue me from the un-dead. Jackson was ecstatic about getting "monies". He calls candy money because once his dad told him it cost money to get candy and the word stuck. I promptly put the non-vegan Halloween "monies" in a pile to give away and the rest is in a bag in the freezer for a rainy or particularly crappy day.

That crappy day might come sooner than later, I'm afraid. My kid cannot get this time change business down and it's killing me slowly. We get up around 8 AM on average which is just fine with me. Occasionally the sleep gods will bless me with an 8:30-9:00 AM wake up time. But not these past few weeks. 5:45 AM, 6:30 AM, whenever-he-damned-well-pleases AM. I've tried laying him down with me which ends with a big toe in my nose and then a big smiley face all up in my business saying "is it time to get up mommy? the sun is up, see". It was cute once or twice and now I'm over it. Please kid, let your momma sleep.

Hey! I have an idea! Maybe I can train Jackson to go wake up Derick at 6 AM when he gets here. That'll help with the bonding time I think they need. And bonus ammo to go along with the sex talk we're going to have. Mommy WIN.  

A day in the life...

7:30 AM Jackson woke up, comes into my room and requests "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, come inside it's fun inside" (He always sings the song when requesting to watch this show). I gently ask him to quiet down and come lay down with momma using the excuse that the sun is barely up.

8:00 AM He pokes me in the face enough times so I reluctantly get up and go get him breakfast.

8:05 AM Let the dog out. This actually happens about 793 times throughout the day. I should just put a doggy door in but my lazy quotient is already quite large.

8:06 AM Put away last night's dishes that are now clean from the dishwasher.

8:15 AM Get myself some breakfast and coffee.

8:45 AM Catch up on Internet happenings. It's not a productive 45 minutes because someone is 2-years-old and he needs attention, including a diaper change. Plus my computer/Internet are total crap.

9:30 AM Fold a few loads of laundry that are wrinkly from sitting too long in a basket and in the dryer. Put away some of these clothes.

10:00 AM Leave the house for an emergency run to Target. The dog's out of food. Proper pet-ownership dictates that I feed her.

12:00 PM Leave Target with MUCH more than just dog food.

12:20 PM Arrive home, unload the car, put away recently purchased stuff all while Jackson is under my feet begging to eat "something else".

12:25 PM Sit Jackson down with lunch that he refuses to eat to which I reply "Well I guess you won't be eating lunch then, huh?". He then eats his lunch begrudgingly and I finish putting away stuff that I just bought. Some stuff I don't even remember buying. Target does that to me. Stuff just jumps into my cart I swear.

12:45 PM Lay Jackson down for his one and only nap that I hope he never ever stops taking. I make my own lunch and watch an episode of What Not To Wear. I've already seen the episode so I don't mind fast-forwarding through most of it.

1:30 PM Nap time for momma. I am a napper and I almost always take a nap when Jackson does. I could be doing things like Windexing the windows or scrubbing the toilet but I choose sleep almost every time. I think we should have mandatory nap times in the workplace. People would surely be less cranky.

2:30 PM Fold a few items of laundry. Contemplate throwing away all the clothes and starting over with new stuff. Stuff that's already folded.

3:00 PM Snack time.

3:10 PM MORE LAUNDRY. WHEN DOES IT END?

3:30 PM Paint with Jackson. His first time painting and he made a huge mess. It was awesome. We only lasted 15 minutes before he tried to eat the paint.  

3:45 PM Put together a wire shelving system thing. Jackson "helped" by pretending it was a a spaceship.

4:15 PM Quit putting together the wire shelving system because it's a stupid piece of crap. Kept it half assembled so Jackson could keep playing with it. Now he is pretending it's a bunker to hide behind so he can throw plastic bowling pins that explode when they hit the ground. Decided I'd just bite the bullet and get a proper Container Store closet system.

4:40 PM Took apart wire shelving system and cursed Target the whole time.

5:00 PM Started the dinner process. Vegetarian Pho.

6:00 PM Eat dinner with Jackson at the table. Scold him for picking out the vegetables that I added. He rolls his eyes at me and I curse whoever taught him to not like vegetables under my breath.

6:45 PM Clean kitchen. This requires putting dirty dishes away, wiping down the counter and putting away all the ingredients from dinner. Have not perfected a system where the kitchen cleans itself. I'll save that for tomorrow.

7:05 PM Pack lunches for Jackson and I for tomorrow.

7:10 PM Take out trash and recycling in the rainy cold. My #1 hated house chore.

7:20 PM Decide I need to make pumpkin puree. Cut pumpkins in half, scope out the seeds and roast them in the oven. I needed a machete to cut them open but I didn't have one so I use a bread knife, chef's knife, an old crappy knife and a screw driver. Almost cut my hand off. Mental note: buy smaller pumpkins next time.

7:45 PM Talk on the phone with a friend about all sorts of things ranging from homemade pumpkin butter, to flirting, to a girl's weekend that we need to plan. (Jackson's dad was over at my house so he put Jackson to bed.)

8:45 PM Am forced off the phone by a crying child who keeps getting up and requesting all sorts of things. More water, another blankie, spin his night light lampshade, blah, blah, blah. Make him cry more by threatening to turn his night light off. This works like a charm.

9:00 PM Puree pumpkins in the blender. Dump into freezer bags. Let cool on counter. 

9:10 PM Sit on my butt and watch television while eating some of Jackson's Halloween candy. Damn.

11:00 PM Decided I've watched enough television for the night.

11:05 PM Put pureed pumpkin in the freezer. Do one last sweep of the kitchen to see if I can clean anything else. Realize that the kitchen is still a mess despite my cleaning it.

11:10 PM Head to bed to read my book.

11:45 PM Lights out!

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Things I didn't get done today:

Plant a few plants in the garden due to the weather.

Put away all of the laundry.

Sweep the floor.

Take a shower. I know.

Finding that balance

If I could wish away all the candy and junk food in the world I would, in two seconds flat. Then I wouldn't have to worry about my toddler or teenager gorging themselves silly and then not eating a healthy dinner. Last night I went with Jackson and his Dad to a fall festival at a local church and even though there were veggie hot dogs (yay!) for us to eat, Jackson only wanted brightly colored cupcakes and anything that was wrapped in shiny, crinkly paper that tasted like artificial flavors and colors. 

Since Jackson eats a mostly* vegan diet I probably stress over this stuff more than your average parent. One of the reasons I changed our diet was for health reasons. I don't want to have to cure a disease, or diseases, when our diet can preventa whole host of medical problems down the road. I realize that having a cupcake here and there, or a sucker at the doctor's office** isn't going to automatically cause my children to have a coronary. This is where my struggle is.

I know that when children aren't fed certain foods that they can get them else ware. I rarely make anything fried, maybe twice a year, and yet Derick manages to eat all fried foods at school. If it's fried, battered or looks nothing like real food then he makes a beeline for it. It's what kids do. I don't feed Jackson candy and yet somehow he already knows what it is and is well adept at getting it. I know I can't control everything and I honestly don't want to control my children and their eating like that.

I do, however, want to instill the importance of a diet rich in whole foods that don't come with a bar code or shiny packages. I want them to learn how to properly cook a meal for themselves that doesn't involve open package, peel back plastic wrap, turn microwave on, enjoy. That's not to say I don't eat a frozen bean burrito on occasion, but I know how to make my own bean burrito from scratch (tortilla, beans and all the toppings) and I want them to learn the same things and understand the importance of such a lesson.

I realize that I sound like one of thosemothers. One of those mothers who's kid will end up in intensive therapy later in life saying to his therapist "I just wanted a damn sucker for christ sake" and the therapist will say "You're mom's insane, that'll be $200, please." But I also know there are worse things to get my kid to seek professional help.

I just have to find that balance between crazy mother and normal mother. I think most mother's are seeking for the same thing. Or at least I hope so.

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*I say he eat a mostly vegan diet because I'm certain he's given non-vegan things when I'm not around.

** Why do doctor's offices have suckers?! You'd think they'd have the prime opportunity for fostering healthy habits and they choose to serve sugar-laden crap. Ugh.