Losing pets

In two weeks I've lost two of my pets and let me tell you, it sucks hardcore. In both instances I feel like I could have or should have done things differently. I don't live my life with much regret but I do analyze how and why I did things and what the outcome was. In the case of my cats that I lost within two weeks of each other, I am going to have to come to terms with the fact that there just wasn't a whole lot I could do even though my heart tells me otherwise.

Raven was my little runner cat. I found her outside my oldest son's daycare around 6 years ago. She was just a small black kitten with a dirty yellow collar and bright yellow eyes. She was sitting under the awning to protect herself from the cold and the rain so of course I couldn't leave her there. I ended up adopting her after trying to find her family with no luck. She was obviously a cat that wanted to be outside, she practically craved it. She got out a handful of times but always, always came back. 

Two weeks ago I thought my dog escaped from the backyard so I went out the front door to see if I could catch her before she went too far and in the confusion Raven escaped. I knew she'd be fine so I didn't stress about her getting out too much, I was more worried about the dog because she will run and run and run just for the fun of it. Jackson and I got in the car and canvased the neighborhood trying to find our dog with no luck. We ended up finding her in the neighbors yard behind us. After all that I forgot about Raven until the next afternoon. I wasn't too worried about her until that night. I must have gone outside a half-dozen times trying to find her with no luck. The very next day I drove down one of the main roads to get to my house and I saw a black cat with the exact same unmistakable fluffy tail on the side of the road. I lived in denial for a few days until I couldn't ignore it anymore. I was obviously distraught and kicking myself that I forgot she was outside, who forgets their cat is outside?! I only hope she had fun on her jaunt outside where she really wanted to be. Maybe now she's roaming cat heaven outside. I sadly don't have any pictures of Raven that I can find. I know I have some but there are tucked away in a scrapbook.

After losing Raven less than a week before I noticed that my other cat, Sugar, was acting different. She was relieving herself right outside of the litter box, which is not like her. She'd done it a few times over the last few months but now it was an every day event. I'd also noticed that she'd lost weight. Sugar was a very, very fluffy and a very, very large cat and she wasn't particularly a lap cat so I didn't think much of her losing a few pounds. She wasn't acting sick so I wasn't particularly worried. When I got the diagnosis of liver failure I was a bit floored. We were trying a round of medication that seemed to be working. She was eating and drinking and acting mostly normal for the last 4 days.

Then yesterday she took a dramatic turn for the worse. Sugar spent most of the day at the vet's office getting fluids and some rest but by about 4 PM the doctor called to tell me she probably wouldn't make it through the night. Fortunately I was able to go say my goodbyes and spend some time holding her. I wasn't prepared to say goodbye, who ever is ready for something like that, but I was grateful that I had a good doctor who cared about my cat like she was her own.

I had forgotten how much it hurts to lose a pet. My defense mechanism is to shut all that stuff out until something happens. I just kept thinking that I had lost 50% of my animals in the short span of two weeks and how much it just really, really sucks.

I'm going to miss Raven and her fierce determination to be outside where she knew she belonged. I'll miss her shiny, black coat and those gorgeous piercing yellow eyes. I'm going to miss Sugar and her tail that was as fluffy as a feather duster. I'll miss her weaving her way through my legs while I walked. I'm just going to miss them both. This just sucks.

Hug your kitties and dogs and other animals extra hard today, please.

Comments

[Jennie]

Thinking of you. What an awful couple weeks.

[Amy --- Just A Titch]

Awww, big hugs, honey. I am thinking of you. Hang in there.

[sensibly sassy]

Losing a pet is one of the most difficult things ever. I hope they are playing in kitty heaven together. Hugs hon, lots and lots of hugs

[Natalie]

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitties. Hugs to you.

[barbetti]

I am very sorry to hear about this. I know how heart-wrenching it is to lose a pet. I still am not over the death of my childhood dog.

Big hugs, girl!

[TUWABVB]

Oh honey - I'm so, so sorry. I hate that anyone has to go through such hurt.

Are you sure it's not a dog-based plot to become the center of your attention? You know I'm kidding, just recalling our converation in Dallas. :)

Sending you much love - I know it hurts and I wish I could do something to take away your pain.